It’s 4pm. I just got out of the shower and got dressed and did my make-up. It’s almost dinner time, and I’m just now ready for the day.
I pawned the kids off on screens so I could go shower and feel human. Today has just been about playing catch-up from a sleepless night with the littlest. This morning (later than I would like) I went straight into the many demands and needs of my kids, getting one school subject done with one kid, making lunch, running them to their homeschool exercise class, picking up raw milk from a farm (which somehow did not manage to get the little guy to take his car nap), and I was just done. All of my plans for today vanished. Nothing “important” accomplished. Mostly because baby has a stuffy nose and didn’t sleep well because of it. An entire family day derailed by some snot.
I so look forward to nights of actual sleep. I constantly have a migraine and neck pain or hip pain. Every time I look in the mirror I’m disappointed because I still don’t recognize myself. And every day that goes like this I feel like I’m failing as a homeschooling mom. And as a human in general.
I just want a routine. Or consistency. But the second I think to myself “you know what? Imma get up at 6am and read my scriptures and go for a walk and soak in the first red light of the sun and heal my circadian rhythm, and then make some yerba mate and plan my homeschool day” it’s like my kids can smell the motivation and it drives a primal urge to RUIN MY NIGHT.
But I bet a lot of homeschool parents feel like this. We have this idea of how our days should look, but with little kids, the days just happen AT US. We don’t get a lot of say in how things will go because things are constantly changing and it’s just… hard.
So solidarity to anyone else feeling like they’re failing today.