I never wanted to be “that” mom.
I grew up with a very health-conscious mom. She was crunchy before it was trendy, and home-schooled my sister and I before it was culturally acceptable. She made us drink these nasty green drinks that literally tasted like vomit, she put tofu and spinach in lasagna, she never bought the “good” cereal, and she used sprouted Ezekiel bread to make us cinnamon toast (which was butter, honey, and cinnamon; I literally didn’t even know people just made it with butter and cinnamon sugar). She irritated people with her tenacious attitude and unwillingness to eat pork. She stopped buying ramen noodles, muttering words like “neurotoxins” and “msg,” leaving my sister and I mourning those salty noodles. I remember telling my mom that one day, when I had my own kids, I’d let them eat McDonald’s every day.
And now I’m “that” mom. The one who won’t buy the fun cereals and who makes her kids drink green juices and mutters things about neurotoxins.
To be fair, I tried. I tried to embrace some of the fun stuff for my kids’ sakes, especially when they were littler. I used to use food dye to make every holiday-related meal an appropriate shade of whatever.
But my second child challenged me in so many ways, and it wasn’t until fairly recently that I started making the food/behavior connection.
I was just thinking today about how far we’ve come with muffin (our almost 8 year old girl). She has been by far my most challenging child. There were so many days when I wanted to pull my hair out and scream, completely baffled by her behavior. Many prayers were prayed in tears, telling God that I just didn’t know how to parent her. The tantrums were uncontrolled, and her reactions to things were a level 10 to things that should have been a 2.
And then I saw someone share something about red food dye (all food dyes, really) and how it can cause hyperactivity and emotional dysregulation in children.
I started paying attention. And then BOOM, I saw it.
The days when she had cheetos? The day after a birthday party with pink neon frosting cupcakes? After preschool when she had been given fruit loops as a snack? Those days were SO. FREAKING. HARD.
And guess what happened when we started cutting that stuff out? Asking teachers not to give her snacks with dye?
All of a sudden, life was just a little more peaceful. And she was able to control her emotions so much better.
Unfortunately, she’s become a little bit of a dye-snob. She always asks at parties or events if the food has dye. I always have parents and teachers coming up and warning me or apologizing about the food dye. But I think we’ve found a balance. To Amy, I have to be like “dude, enjoy yourself, have a treat. Just because I don’t keep this stuff at home doesn’t mean you always need to deprive yourself. Just remember how it affects you and make the decision.” She now understands how it makes her feel, and bases her decision on if it’s worth it or not. I’m so proud of her.
I’ve also started keeping a stash of “safe” treats at home. I got some dye-free lollipops from TJMAXX of all places, and some little chocolates, and whenever they get a dum-dum lollipop or whatever from somewhere, I tell them I’ll give them a treat they can have at home. I’d love to just not have the treats around, but it helps so much with this dye/sugar saturated world we live in to have an alternative to help bridge the gap.
And you know what, I have a lot more understanding for why my mom was the way she was. She was ahead of her time, and had a sense that something was off with our food system, though most were blind to it back then. I wish I had paid more attention growing up, though I think a lot of it rubbed off on me anyway. And thank goodness, cause now I get to raise my kids in this toxic world and I have a little bit of practice in how to be “that” mom.