I\u2019ve been dealing with an inner battle for a while.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I always want to be better. I want to improve myself. I want to be more in shape. I want my house to be organized. I want to do meal-planning or at least figure out a way to not have to scramble to figure out dinner while starving children hang onto my ankles. I want to do so much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I\u2019m limited. I\u2019m a mom to two young children. One of them is hitting the obnoxious stage of childhood and the other is getting exponentially curious and explorative. By the end of the day I\u2019d much rather binge-eat popcorn and watch Netflix than work out or go to bed at a decent hour. It\u2019s exhausting to do this day in, day out. No sick days, no vacation days, just days filled with whining and crying and breaking up fights and yelling at them over and over again after vowing not to yell anymore, concluded with me in this zombie-like state where I literally \u201cjust can\u2019t even.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I share my experiences, I often hear things like \u201cGive yourself a break,\u201d \u201cMotherhood is chaos, you\u2019re doing great,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t put too much on your plate, this is all that matters right now,\u201d \u201cMessy house, happy kids,\u201d and other such advice. But internally, I\u2019m not so sure those are the right answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There has to be some kind of balance between being realistic and still striving for greatness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I see \u201cmom boss ladies\u201d and women who seem to have\/do it all, and wonder why that isn\u2019t me. Why can\u2019t I handle working AND being a mom? Why can\u2019t I be a saleslady or something from home? Why can\u2019t I make myself get up early? Why can\u2019t I be consistent, like these other moms who get it all done?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But then my head fills up with excuses. I need sleep to handle my life. I don\u2019t want to workout because I\u2019m too exhausted. I can\u2019t do things other people do because of my anxiety\/OCD. All my mom friends struggle like me, so this is normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But is it? Where do we draw the line between setting our expectations realistically, and justifying our unproductive, inconsistent, sometimes lazy behavior?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve been told I put too much pressure on myself, but maybe I don\u2019t put enough. I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever really pushed myself. I never felt any pressure to push myself growing up, and now I feel like I\u2019m stuck in this rut. I want to believe I\u2019m capable of anything like all those inspirational pinterest quotes say, but believing the general idea is possible and really believing in YOU\u2026 it\u2019s tricky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe we shouldn\u2019t give ourselves an easy way out. Give ourselves credit for what we do right, sure. We shouldn\u2019t beat ourselves up because we aren\u2019t perfect. But I don\u2019t think we\u2019re supposed to just throw our hands up and surrender to our faults and failures. The whole point of this life is to improve and progress, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Motherhood is tough. And some days it takes all I have to just make it to bedtime. But I bet I\u2019d enjoy this stage of my life more if I stopped making excuses and filling my own head with negative \u201dI can\u2019t do this cause blah blah\u201d and rather prayed for strength to improve. Prayed for an attitude change. For some alone time. For some perspective. Prayed for grace to help fill in the gaps where I\u2019m not quite getting it right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t really know where I\u2019m going with this. It\u2019s just been on my mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This talk from last October\u2019s LDS General Conference came to mind as I was thinking of all this, so if anyone is struggling with balancing perfection like I have been, take a listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n